Fast time. Fast change of feelings. No place to experience pain. People often go to psychologists with one goal - to immediately drown out the pain. To quickly stop feeling - and run again, into life, into work, into the family. Like robots. To live and not worry. To live and not be disturbed by obsessive thoughts. To live and not feel.
Because pain is about feelings. It is an indicator. Where the integrity is broken, there it hurts. Where there is a wound, there it cannot help but hurt. If the organism is alive, it reacts with pain to an injury, to an illness, to a malfunction.
There is a way out: become a cyborg, then you won't get sick. Never at all. But then the sunset won't make you happy, the wine won't taste good, and the cat won't be cute. This is also about feelings.
A wound doesn't heal instantly. Let's put some painkiller ointment on it. Let's put a bandage on it. But the wound won't heal until all the protective and restorative mechanisms work. You can't make blood clot faster, or cells regenerate faster. Everything happens at its own speed and in its own time.
The same thing is with the psyche. It needs to be given time to work through all the stages. Don't hold on specially (don't pick at the wound), don't speed it up (apply one remedy after another right away). You need to let yourself RECOVER.
Loss hurts. Breakup hurts. A message with bad content hurts. An unanswered message hurts. A rude word hurts. Dislike hurts. Ignoring hurts. Jealousy hurts.
You don't need to run, don't save yourself, but live through it. You need to be sick. Like during the flu, you need to lie in bed, drinking tea with lemon. You need to accept this pain and this state. Recognize and name what you feel. "Yes, I'm jealous." "Yes, I'm afraid of losing her, mortally afraid." And feel. Cry. Get angry. Pour out your anger. Suffer while looking at photos.
Write stupid letters. You don't have to send them, but write them. Devote some time to living through the pain of the situation. Be in it. Without blurring it. Without switching. Without getting distracted. Specifically set aside time for consciously living through the pain.
The psyche itself will turn on its defense mechanisms. If you don't interfere, it will turn them on. It will get over it — and apathy and indifference will set in. Then a calm understanding of what happened will come. Then — acceptance of the situation and the desire to move on. This is what you wanted to get right away, immediately, at the very beginning.
I understand, a strange recipe. But you know yourself: the effect of any painkiller ends, and the wound stops hurting only when it heals.
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